Our Boys

Earlier this week, my son, a freshman at a large Midwestern university, called to share the devastating news that a friend of his had died by suicide on campus. As I write this, I am still processing the grief—for his friend, their family, my son, their community, and for the countless young men silently struggling with their mental health.

We are all profoundly shocked by my son’s friend’s death. My son saw no warning signs, no signs of distress, no drug or alcohol use, or any evidence of self-harm. He is grappling to make sense of something so incomprehensible, as am I—even as a psychologist and therapist. What I often believe about suicide is that it occurs when someone is in a profoundly altered state of mind. But the truth is, I can’t fully know or understand that experience.

We’ve all heard the alarming statistics about the mental health crisis among young people, but it’s critical to emphasize that young men are at a significantly higher risk of suicide. According to the CDC, men die by suicide nearly four times more often than women. While mental health concerns are deeply troubling across genders, young women may be more likely to express high-risk thoughts and seek help than their male counterparts.

I grieve not only for my son’s friend but for the many young men who may feel trapped in mental isolation, unable or unsure how to share their pain. This post isn’t meant to be an education on suicidality but rather a call to action: let’s connect more deeply with the people who matter to us.

Talk more. Open up conversations—especially with boys and young men. These conversations don’t have to be heavy, psychological, or profound. Sometimes, starting with something silly, mundane, or playful is enough.

The important thing is that we connect. And then, can we connect some more?