Motherfectionism

Motherfectionism—a word I coined—captures the cultural and internalized expectation that mothers must be flawless providers of love and nurturance, entirely responsible for and in control of their child’s behavior and ultimate outcomes.

I created this term because it describes an experience I frequently witness in both my private practice and personal life. Motherfectionism manifests in countless ways, as women still shoulder the majority of the emotional, logistical, and physical labor of parenting. At its core, like any form of perfectionism, it often serves as a coping mechanism.

Why Frame Motherhood Through This Lens?

I view motherhood through this perspective because, as women’s mental health psychologists, we have a responsibility to resist reinforcing perfectionistic, unattainable standards for mothers. Unfortunately, the parenting advice industry often perpetuates these ideals. Social media platforms like TikTok overflow with quick, seemingly effortless parenting tips, leaving many mothers feeling confused, inadequate, or ashamed when they can’t replicate these “simple” and “perfect” solutions.

In my practice, I’ve shared countless therapy sessions with mothers grappling with the emotional toll of these unrealistic comparisons.

Supporting Resilience, Not Perfection

Our role as women’s mental health professionals is to acknowledge the nuanced, complex realities of motherhood and to help mothers build resilience for its emotional and practical challenges. Motherhood, like any other area of life, doesn’t thrive under the weight of perfectionism. While parenting advice can be valuable in certain moments, our primary focus is to provide support that embraces the flexibility and creativity parenting demands.